gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
