fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
