wrigley field is MILF paradise
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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