just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
