Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I have aggressive nipples.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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