I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
