She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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