All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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