Tell her she can't have a vagina
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think people are normalizing furries
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
