ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize