drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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