I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
