And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
