I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
