Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
