i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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