seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize