So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
