hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
