can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
