i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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