I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
