I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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