Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
