i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he shaved USA in his pubs
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize