the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think my vagina is haunted
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
