I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
