you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
