My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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