I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
