He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
