im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
