I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
