Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
