you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
