On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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