I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Houston, we have a squirter
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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