Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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