If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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