3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
