Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
