I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
