Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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