Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Randomize
