Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
