You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize