I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
