she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
