Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
