for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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