I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Bring me that man meat
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
