Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
