I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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