he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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