i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
