I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
two words...techno handjob
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
