Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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