Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
