He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
