You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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