He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
