You can't special order awesome
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
