I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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