It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So much rum. So many feels.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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