i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
