i wish peter jackson would direct porn
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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