This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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