that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
is wine microwaveable?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
