You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
