Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
